BOOK LAUNCH
Why buy the book?
No one has touched on this subject.
200
children lose contact with their fathers every day in secret courts
1 in 3
children live without their father
3.8 Million
children are fatherless in the UK
What made the story possible
"... Nearly everything I have is in it, and it is not full. Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad and evil thoughts and good thoughts -the pleasure of design and some despair and the indescribable joy of creation. And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you."
(John Steinbeck: East of Eden)
It is agreed that the odds of a first-time author getting their work published are between 1% and 2%. These stats, alongside the sensitive topic of the manuscript, made one publishing deal nearly impossible, but eventually, I ended up with two. Most people say that to succeed in getting a deal is sheer luck; others cite hard graft and even fewer mention talent. However, I am adamant that this is all down to these people:
My family who came before me, who wanted me and nurtured me all along. When you have this kind of foundation, you never budge when you know you are right.
Then came some not-so-good people. These people made me completely numb and bitter but, in the end, resilient. They also 'Wanted' me- but in a very different meaning of the word. No wonder I ended up in the nick time after time.
But there were always good people about- in abundance. Who believed in me through thick and thin, which made me stronger.
Most importantly, these two little clowns - the girl wonder and the magical boy - made this big clown invincible, for which I'm eternally grateful.
Meet the characters
Children
Girl wonder and magical boy.
Two of God's great gifts.
Mother
A feminine, intelligent woman who turns to a charity after a family break-up.
Father
A stubborn person who becomes entangled in a family court system.
Family
CAFCASS
The British Justice System
Social Services
Judges
Family court advisors working closely with women's charities.
Underpaid, overworked individuals.
Highly educated, seasoned professionals trying to do their job with the best intentions.
And the story unfolds
This book is about the greatest love of all, a love that was tested by the British Justice System. This system, often considered the envy of the world, played a significant role in the story I am about to tell.
After fourteen years of living together, a couple decided to go their separate ways. They had been blessed with two cheerful, cheeky, brilliant children. Since the parents couldn't agree on their future care arrangements, the father turned to the family court, whereas the mother sought guidance from a charity. Despite there having been no historical reports of domestic abuse up to this point, the mother took this charity up on their advice. This advice was not to engage in any discussion with the father about the children's future and immediately flee with them to a women's refuge, not even waiting for the first, already scheduled hearing.
The first set of proceedings concentrated on deciding if the mother had genuine reasons to take the children from the family home. Her accusations mainly dealt with the emotional and physical abuse that the children allegedly suffered by the father. She claimed that the father put too much pressure on the children by enrolling them in private tuition and also imposed himself on them by spending too much time with them against their will. Furthermore, she also said that the father used to play-fight and hurt them, although there were never any bruises left.
The district judge, on the balance of probabilities, found her allegations proven and didn't let the father have any direct contact with the children.
The children's personal stories, their resilience and their struggle are an integral part of this narrative. Despite the school psychologist's concern, when one of the children appeared with bruises at school, Social Services saw no reason to intervene. At the same time, continuous restraining orders were granted against the father, as it was deemed unsafe for the children to spend time with him.
Having complied with the recommendations of CAFCASS, the father, in a bid to see his children and initiate a second set of proceedings, completed a domestic perpetrators programme. This decision was a testament to his commitment to his children and his willingness to do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives.
The second set of proceedings, or 'welfare hearings', concentrated not on the allegations this time but on the father's approach towards his children.
The mother's case this time was the direct opposite of her previous statement. Her case was that the father had never cared about the children's education and hardly ever spent any time with them. However, CAFFCASS and Social Services took her allegations at face value again. They also disregarded the constant rows between the children and the mother, which were reported by neighbours who even called the police about the disturbance in their new home. Apart from these, witnesses also made Social Services aware of loud conflicts in public places. The mother insisted that the children had been thriving due to the father's absence, and the powers that be - the charity, CAFCASS, and Social Services- were simply parroting her words. In reality, the children, coming from an affluent background, started to rely on food banks and the council's emotional and financial help; they were classified as 'children in need'.
Again, on the balance of probabilities, the district judge took the mother's side and denied the father any contact with his children. At the mother's request, even further restraining orders were made against the father to prevent him from entering the town where the children were residing or making new applications to the court in the future.
The father, driven by an unwavering love for his children, had no option left but to recount this story, hoping that a case like this could never ever be allowed to happen again. His love for his children, a love that knows no bounds, is at the heart of this story, a story he is determined to share with the world.
All the parties involved in this greatest love were made from some super cool, uber-strong stuff. Some are already aware of it; the rest will be after reading the book.
And now, the time has come to reveal the story.
Blog
Milestones
Songs that shaped our life
"You may not always be so grateful
For the way that you were made
Maybe some feature of your father's
That you'd gladly sell, or trade
And one day you may look at us
And say that you were cursed
But over time that line has been
Extremely well rehearsed
By our fathers, and their fathers
In some old and distant town
From places no one here remembers
Come the things we've handed down" (Marc Cohn)
Odours can serve as a memory trigger. The power of smell was rich. Incredibly rich. The smell of a freshly baked cake or a hint of a perfume wafting in the air could evoke powerful feelings and memories.
In the early eighties, there weren't many school gyms behind The Iron Curtain countries. When we were doing P.E., my classmates and I were building a snowman in the winter or playing football outdoors, provided that the weather was kind to us.
Then things suddenly changed when the husband of the headteacher got promoted within the local council, and the school's application for a gym was granted. It was a state-of-the-art gymnasium. With all its climbing frames, ropes, a proper handball-sized pitch, and even separate changing rooms. But most of all, it smelled so lovely. So unique.
When I returned to this same gym twenty-five years later, it still smelt the same. My mates and I were looking for a place to play five-a-side, and the name of this gym came up. I jumped at the chance. It was like a flipping time warp. Time had stood still.
You know, when a magazine perfume sachet is stuck into a Playboy or Cosmopolitan, it comprises a small-sealed envelope or bag that preserves and protects the product inside. Just to promote these products. I was thinking of something like that. To add the smell…
It was the smell of my passion and my pride—the scent of the era when they were babies-the smell of our trips to Goathland and Lightwater Valley. The smell of their sweat, brought on by the euphoria when I was pretending and always allowing them to beat me at footie in the back garden in the stoppage time-these in a single pouch. Obviously, it was mission impossible… but what I could do was… adding music to the book. Songs that were a huge part of the family's life. Milestones. Nothing more -nothing less. Milestones.
Here is the list of the family's soundtrack that defined our fourteen years:
Ennio Morricone: "Cockeye's Song"
Leonard Cohen: "Alexandra Leaving"
The couple, Agnes and I, had a song for ourselves: Barbra Streisand: "The Way We Were"
When we were on the road, which we always were: The Notting Hillbillies: "Will You Miss Me"
Our favourite show: "Heartbeat"
The kids' favourite: Lukas Graham: "7 years"
Sam's fave: Maroon 5: "Moves like Jagger"
Sophie's fave: Shawn Mendes: "Stitches"
And the one that needs no comment: Gerry and the Pacemakers: "You'll Never Walk Alone"
While the kids were growing sunflowers with Steve, who was always listening to this in those days: Emile Sande: "Read all about it"
Agnes's and Rosie's song: Passenger: "Let Her Go"
Nana's song: Zoran: "Ne Vard a Majust"
"Very strange how these things had been handed down from father to children. My ability to play and win and never-say-die in Sophie, and my continuous thinking in Sam - my incessant search for justice…." Marc Cohn: "The Things We've Handed Down"
A welcoming space where I can answer questions from people of all backgrounds. I read them all and try my best to tackle one each week.
